As long as I remember I’ve had a “fear of heights” — actually it was more of a compulsion/orientation to throw myself off of high places. I don’t know if I was born with it or if it got a hold of me when I was too young to remember.
My mother always had it too. She used to say that whenever she got near the edge of a high place something was always trying to pull her off of it.
Once in my twenties when I was visiting Tiberias, Israel, I was feeling the compulsion/orientation so strongly to jump off my balcony, that I was afraid that when I fell asleep that I would get up in the night and jump. Finally I got up and moved a big chair in front of the door to make it difficult for me to get to it.
All this sounds a bit “crazy” or “silly”, doesn’t it? But for me it was tormenting and troubling that this “force” or “voice” or “craving” or “compulsion” would try so hard to take my life.
About 3 months ago I went through a week of personal ministry (17 hours I think) called Restoring the Foundations (RTF) which blends 4 ministry types together: 1) breaking generational curses; 2) deliverance from demonic influence; 3) repentance from ungodly beliefs; and 4) healing life hurts. However, after 44 years of being a passionate, spiritual-growth focused believer, I didn’t really think I needed it.
RTF was very helpful and very Spirit-led (agenda-free). Basically, the husband and wife facilitators had me listen to God and allow Him tell me what issues needed to be dealt with and how He wanted to restore me. It was a beautiful spiritual experience and reminded me of how we let the Spirit lead the meetings at The Salvation Army Berry Street.
About a month after the RTF week I was in the Park Plaza Hotel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee standing on about the 14th floor and leaning over the railing of the atrium far above the lobby while talking with a friend. Suddenly, I realized that I felt no compulsion or orientation to jump. I was amazed. This was the first time in my life I was at a high place and didn’t feel an urge to jump. So I told my friend about it.
Then about a week ago I was in Ouray, Colorado leaning over the railing of a small walkway and talking with my brother, high above Box Canyon Falls. Once again I suddenly realized that there was no compulsion to jump. So I told my brother about it.
This morning I had another amazing testimony to my freedom. I went to Bandelier National Monument near Los Alamos, New Mexico and decided to climb the cliffs and ladders at Alcove House that ascend more than 140 feet. Here’s a pic:
I climbed all the way up and all the way back down. On the way down I stopped a couple of times on the high ladders, leaned back and looked down just to make sure my old compulsion to jump was gone. It was. Wow! It felt great to do that this morning!
Then this afternoon I went to Puye Cliff Dwellings and toured the mesa top. At the end they invited us to climb off the mesa. From the top we climbed down a rock face to a ladder that was even taller than the ones this morning. Once again I was completely free from any negative feelings or thoughts about the height. I am so thankful to God for setting me free from this compulsion/orientation that I have battled all my life!
One more thing: If God will set me free, He will also set you free from whatever compulsion(s) that you are dealing with! Jesus still does miracles! Praise the Lord!