How I realized I’m a mess without Jesus

I used to compare my behaviors to the worst human behaviors that I knew about. By that standard I believed that I was a good person with a good inner instrument panel. Then one day I had an encounter with the living Jesus Christ, and He became a continual real presence and guide in my inner life and gave me a hunger to read the Bible. The more I read it, the more I began to see that although by my outward behaviors I considered myself to be a good person, my thoughts, desires, feelings, and opinions were full of sin.

Then I began to see that many of my outward behaviors were also sinful. I tried to stop them, but some held me so tightly in bondage that all I could do was cry to Jesus for mercy, forgiveness, and deliverance. Gradually I began to see that my sin was deeper than my behaviors and realized that I was a sinner by nature. I began to ask God to set me free from the bondage of self. That’s when He began to show me that I need to die to self (my old man–my human nature–the faulty instrument panel in my inmost being) and I wrote these words:

Watching your old man die
Makes you want to cry,
Seeing all your hopes and dreams
Take their wings and fly.
I know that old man
His name is myself,
But I can’t help him now,
He belongs to someone else.

Cause, Jesus, I gave myself to you,
Said you can do
Whatever you want to.
But watching him die
Is such a painful thing
Although, I know
New life it will bring.

It’s hard to say,
“Lord, have Your way.”
That old man sticks around
And says He’s gonna stay.
He moans and groans in agony
Till I just can’t bear to see,
Then he grabs me by the hand
And says, “Save me boy, I’m your old man.”

Jesus, I give myself to you.
Go ahead and do whatever you want to
To me.
Photo by Maddy Freddie on

About Steve Simms

I like to look and think outside the box. In college I encountered Jesus Christ and I have been passionate about trying to get to know Him better ever since. My wife and I long to see the power and passion of the first Christ-followers come to life in our time. I have written a book about our experiences in non-traditional church, called, "Beyond Church: An Invitation To Experience The Lost Word Of The Bible--Ekklesia." If you need encouragement, search for: Elephants Encouraging The Room and/or check out my Amazon author page. Thank you!
This entry was posted in deny yourself, die to self, dying to self, self-denial, sin, sinful heart, sinfulness and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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