I used to compare my behaviors to the worst human behaviors that I knew about. By that standard I believed that I was a good person with a good inner instrument panel. Then one day I had an encounter with the living Jesus Christ, and He became a continual real presence and guide in my inner life and gave me a hunger to read the Bible. The more I read it, the more I began to see that although by my outward behaviors I considered myself to be a good person, my thoughts, desires, feelings, and opinions were full of sin.
Then I began to see that many of my outward behaviors were also sinful. I tried to stop them, but some held me so tightly in bondage that all I could do was cry to Jesus for mercy, forgiveness, and deliverance. Gradually I began to see that my sin was deeper than my behaviors and realized that I was a sinner by nature. I began to ask God to set me free from the bondage of self. That’s when He began to show me that I need to die to self (my old man–my human nature–the faulty instrument panel in my inmost being) and I wrote these words:
Watching your old man die Makes you want to cry, Seeing all your hopes and dreams Take their wings and fly. I know that old man His name is myself, But I can’t help him now, He belongs to someone else. Cause, Jesus, I gave myself to you, Said you can do Whatever you want to. But watching him die Is such a painful thing Although, I know New life it will bring. It’s hard to say, “Lord, have Your way.” That old man sticks around And says He’s gonna stay. He moans and groans in agony Till I just can’t bear to see, Then he grabs me by the hand And says, “Save me boy, I’m your old man.” Jesus, I give myself to you. Go ahead and do whatever you want to To me.